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lissababe44
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Name: Melissa
Location: Springfield, Massachusetts, United States
Birthday: 1/8/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: i LOVE soccer. i'm quite the fan of travelling.....of which i am hoping to do a lot of over the next year...that is, if my plans go through
Expertise: i'm majoring in business but i dunno if i'd call it my expertise, i'm pretty good at solving social problems i guess.....maybe i should be majoring in psych
Occupation: Customer service/support
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  lissababe44
Yahoo:  lissababe44
Member Since:
7/1/2005
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| Driving around with Cait tonight I'm slowly making realizations about myself. I realized that I'm too independent (now is where most people say that's a good thing, but its not). I don't trust people enough to be there when I need them to be so I don't bother making the space in my life for them play an important role , cause why make the space when I'll be let down anyway, right? I also learned that I still have my few good friends who I can rely on if the need arises (Cait being one of them) where I have a task which seems unreachable by my lonesome. Okay, enough ranting about myself for one night.
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| I've come to the realization that there's no point to any of
this. Essentially, there's no point to life. I find no
enjoyment out of the fact that no matter what I do I know how I'll end
up. It's almost as if reading the last few pages of a book and
then starting at the beginning. In fact, there's no real point to
wasting my time typing this out when I know nobody's reading it.....
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| I want to go back to school. I have yet to decide what it
is I want from going back, but I'm sure that will come in good time...
I want to eventually get married, start a family, have a normal
life (even though everyones definition of normal is different)...
I want to get to the point in my life where I'm okay with me and
how I look, to accept me for me and not feel I need to change for
anybody...
I want to be financially secure and not be working some crappy job (although I do like the second shift hours)...
These are just a few of the things I want in my life to feel
that I have done what I need to to be a whole person. It seems
like a lot, but most of it I'm sure will come with age....or I'm hoping
it does. Most of it are things that I need to figure out on my
own before I move on in my life with somebody.... Bring on the
years....
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| I made a big decision over the last few days.... I need to not
date for a while. I constantly screw it up because I scare easily
from all the past incidents I've been through. For once, though,
I seemingly have found myself a nice guy. His name is Steve and
he's just this amazingy nice guy who won't pressure me for
anything. Now, although I've told him that right now I can't be
in anything, he understands, and is willing to wait and allow me to get
to know him and get comfortable with him so that dating won't be so
scary. It's great to not feel like I need to know exactly how I
feel or when I'm supposed to feel it, but to be able to take my time to
get to know me before I work on other people. Okay, it's late and
I'm tired....so end of story.
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| So I'm very annoyed right now. People are getting on my
nerves and I am too nice a person to tell them what they're doing, so
it's this cycle where they just keep doing it because I won't tell
them.....fun huh? It's like that carnival ride that you want to
get off of but you can't until you vomit. I'm about to vomit to
get off this ride. GRRRR!!!!
Basically, I'll enlighten you. One of my friends will ask
me about her married guy crush. HE'S MARRIED! Leave him the
fuck alone! Another one keeps on bitching about her boyfriend,
and when I say 'keeps' I mean she goes on for hours about how
he's got to be cheating on her or how he's going to go to a strip club
and get blown and all this stupid stuff that he's NOT doing.
Those are just two situations where they ask my opinion repetitively
and just ignore what I have to say. Ask me once or twice,
fine. But DON'T ask me 20 times just to hear the same thing when
you already know what you're going to do. Ok?
Other than that, works been blahish. I work in a friggin'
candle factory, Yankee Candle, to be exact. I guess the bright
side is I never leave work smelling bad, huh? I've actually been
hanging outside of work with my bosses. They seem to be nice
sort-of young men, although all of them are older than me by at least 8
years (so they like to remind me how young I am which is also
annoying), but eh. They took me out to a Polish Club the other
night and we all just sat around and relaxed which I hardly get to do
anymore. I also didn't have to pay for my drinks.....YAY!!!!
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